Time...

Are you a writer? Want to share the pieces what you've written?
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Felina
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Time...

Post by Felina » Mon 22nd Oct 2012

Well, the world is forcing me to grow up. I don't want to, I wanna be a 12 years old girl with AF book in her hands forever. This song was made by me in less than 5 minutes, and it's not a poem like people would expect. It's prose and you shouldn't add any music to it. Just try reading it out loud, listening to the words you are saying and you will probably get what I mean. I hope you like it (:

Ah time, stop now, stay on this moment forever, so I can be young for all times and hold hands with my love...
Oh time, can't you have some mercy for the young people in love? Let the world be, let go of it, make Earth stop going around, I want to be here forever...
Time, oh time, don't you see we are crying for people you are taking away? Yesterday was sun, today was rain, my love left forever, we'll meet in other world...
The world you will never reach, where sun shines whole day and stars are shining in the dark...
And I will be captured in the moment with him once and for all, the moment you shall never touch...
The moment out of the time, where the only true law is love, where your cold heart will melt...
And the Earth will stop turning...
And we will live here, out of your reach...
I emit a chaos field which distorts time and space and creates chaos everywhere around me. That's why my room is always a mess. Image

♫☂♫ ~Let's go dancing and singing in the rain~ ♫☂♫
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sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows... Magic
I'm not hiding anything :p except SECRETS...
Shh... SECRET makes a woman, woman

I never understood a reason WHY to be serious??? if weirdness is awesome :D


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world is quiet here
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Re: Time...

Post by world is quiet here » Sun 25th Nov 2012

I really do quite like this. :)
Only thing that I can say is (I'm not exactly great at poems) is that at the beginning of the first three lines, you've got something like ah, time or, oh, time and the reader gets used to it, but then after the first three lines it changes. A poet usually changes it on the last line, if at all.

But, this is really good.

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