Consecutive Posting

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artymon I\/
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

Someone from work brought me a coffee.
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

This could prove to herald chaos.
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

I am not a coffee person by nature. Nor do I fancy tea.
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

I admit, I like the principle of tea and coffee. Tea definitely sounds classy
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

Mmm....especially since tea is usually pair with crumpets or cookies or cake.
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

Anyway...grab.
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

Grab grab grab crab grab grab grab
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

Caught in a storm of emotion, he angrily grabs her in his arms, leans in and presses his lips against her.
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

Original sentence was

Caught in a storm of emotion, he leans in and presses his lips against her.

But that doesn't make sense, for the scene anyway. He wouldn't just lean in, he'd have to be holding her in someway
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

But does grab work? It was the first word thought of just now, but is there a better word?
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

I looked up some synonyms and was enraptured by seized...but that doesn't feel right. Like...yeah, it's got the right sort of anger emotion...but for context, seize more implies a prisoner-esque vibe.
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

Grasp sounds too gentle. Too tender. Grip....quasi could work?
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

Maybe 'grab' isn't the problem here...

Caught in a storm of emotion, he angrily grabs her in his arms, leans in and presses his lips against her.

Angrily or roughly?

Caught in a storm of emotion, he roughly grabs her in his arms, leans in and presses his lips against her.

Caught in a storm of emotion, he angrily grabs her in his arms, leans in and roughly presses his lips against her.
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

See, this is why I probably make for being a terrible writer, get too caught up on tiny details xD
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Re: Consecutive Posting

Post by artymon I\/ » Wed 3rd Jul 2019

My other problem is I'll write some stuff then come back a few days later and go what was I thinking?

For example:

The tip of Colin’s hook tickled the nape of her dress, quite prepared to slice through it

Should that be

The tip of Colin’s hook tickled the nape of her dress, and he was quite prepared to slice through it

idk.

I'm inclined to leave it as is. The sentence implies Colin's hook carries sentience, that the hook is going to take it upon itself to slice through the dress. And as you know, I'm something of a fan of anthropomorphic objects and animals.
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