Blink (Exerpt from my book)

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Ally Kat
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Blink (Exerpt from my book)

Post by Ally Kat » Thu 3rd Feb 2011

As some of you may know, I'm writing a book that I might published based off of FG. This is the first bit I wrote for it some odd months ago, though I don't have anything else... Lovely. Oh, and tell me if you want to be in the book and if you want your username changed at all.

There were some things that you didn't have to worry about it the land of FG. Just walking around the forums there was nothing to be afraid of - other than spambots of course. Those could be easily delt with though.

Never though, in all of FG's considerable history, had someone been hurt, and certainly not enough to where they had to log out and go back to the "real world". When the new user got back he announced his leaving, but not before telling the mods exactly what happened. So they could inform other users to be wary, of course. No reason to start a panic. It could have easily been a user from a rival site with a grudge. Everyone knew how dangerous they could be, if they wanted.

The young boy of ten ran a hand through his sandy blond hair, glancing up at the mods before him every few secons. The two were Alana Rune and Double AA Battery (Ala and AA for short). They were a top mod team, dorming together with a "regular" used. The two of them had faught of spambots at the door and effectivly stopped the website from being shut down (not the site itself, but its... special function). They were, by far, two of the most well known mod teams. No one joined FG without knowing of AA and Ala.

"Just start slow," AA said, placing a hand on the soon-to-be former users shoulder. He looked up, biting his lip. Noone noticed the creak of a door to the side.

"I-I was walking back to my dorm from the Roleplay wing." He said slowly, bis voice tinged with a slight Australian accent. "I saw something out of the corner of my eye. I tought it was nothing, you know? I see stuff like that all the time here." He glanced down. "It's usually the mods or the users who don't show that they're on, the invisible ones when their shields flicker."

Ala nodded solemly. "But it wasn't, was it."

The blond shook his head. "No. Not at all. I was just at my door when I heard something. all I did was blink..." He shuddered. "It was this snake-worm thing, like Prisoner Zero from Doctor Who but... not. The teeth weren't long enough. Like someone tried to impersonate him so they wouldn't get caught. After that I got logged out." He sighed.

"Can I go now?" He asked. AA nodded, showing him to the door. Ala hummed noncommitedly, staring at the wall with narrowed purple eyes.

The two looked up suddenly from a voice at the doorway. The other one, not the perma-leave one that the poor Aussie had just gone through. "So, it looks like the assailent was a DW fan, probably recent. If he was an oldies or had been watching since the new season one he wouldn't have gone with Prisoner Zero, but something like the Daleks or maybe the Cybermen. Though the constant stream of "exterminate, ecterminate" might have gotten him caught."

AA glared mildly. "You know your not allowed to be here."

The figure shrugged, tail flicking in an annoyed manner. "Stop leaving your keys around the flat-err, dorm then."

Ala scoffed. "We don't leave them, you pickpocket us."

"Either way your leaving them for me to find."

The figure in the door was none other than the "regular" user dormmate of the mod team. The third in their Kikr-Bones-Spock trio, really. Her name was Ally Kat, after her black cat ears an tail.

After a moment of fake glaring Ally shrugged. "Still, interesting that he used the blink concept. Seen the Weeping Angels episode, though I'd still guess new."

Ala sighed, wings buzzing, and AA stared down at her Green Day t-shirt.

"Beside the point." Ala said slowly.

AA nodded in agreement. "This means we've got someone who wants FG gone. Again."

A collective sigh from the three of them, and they stared at each other.

"Must be a Thursday." The three said in unison.
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I’m not calling for a second chance,
I’m screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice,
Because I’ll just make the same mistake again.

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Duck With No Name
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Re: Blink (Exerpt from my book)

Post by Duck With No Name » Thu 3rd Feb 2011

That's really cool, AK! :D I saw a couple of typos, but apart from that, it's perfect! :D And really suspenseful too. XD Can you update this soon, please? XD And should I know who this blonde Australian boy is, because I don't think that I do... o.o Sorry in advance, if it is anyone! >< It seems like a cool story though, and I can't wait to read more! :D *salutes*
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Re: Blink (Exerpt from my book)

Post by Battery » Thu 3rd Feb 2011

Plot is good, idea is good. I'll get that out of the way first, so we can start on something positive :) I do like it. I just have a few things to say that could make me like it more :wink:

For me, the beginning was just a tad confusing… the first couple paragraphs seem sort of rushed to me, and the whole thing could definitely use some proofreading. Lots of typos.
Also, your quote grammar is… not right. Quotes are written like this:

"They're with a comma and no caps for direct quotations," said AA.
"But when it's an indirect quotation, not using 'he/she said,' then we use a period and caps." She sighed.
"What about question marks and exclamation marks?" she asked.
"They're the same as the comma or period depending on if it's a direct or indirect quote!" She smiled.

See what I mean, there? :)

The main thing I would recommend is editing before posting… because it does feel rushed to me, and it doesn't really have that usual AK-wrote-this feel… I think if you spend a little time fixing it up, it could be amazing. :)
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Re: Blink (Exerpt from my book)

Post by Ohansahyosheli » Fri 4th Feb 2011

I thought it was good, but I`ve only ever seen one FG story that included me. :`(
[✯♫♪Prepare yourself to meet] [The girl who cannot sleep] [Dividing every question till the questions are complete] [Every twisted tongue] [She studies everyone] [She won't leave any stone unturned] [The night is oh so young♪♫✯]

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Re: Blink (Exerpt from my book)

Post by Alanna » Fri 4th Feb 2011

I spy a spelling error.
The young boy of ten ran a hand through his sandy blond hair, glancing up at the mods before him every few secons.
Should be seconds.

There's a few others, and some sentence construction I wouldn't even be found using.

Other then that, without seeing more... heh you've got me interested XD
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Ally Kat
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Re: Blink (Exerpt from my book)

Post by Ally Kat » Sat 5th Feb 2011

XD Never did get around to doing the re-write, so I put up the rough draft.

I shall fix it fort with and try to keep going!
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I’m not calling for a second chance,
I’m screaming at the top of my voice.
Give me reason, but don’t give me choice,
Because I’ll just make the same mistake again.

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Re: Blink (Exerpt from my book)

Post by hiholly123 » Sat 5th Feb 2011

Ohansahyosheli wrote:I thought it was good, but I`ve only ever seen one FG story that included me. :`(
I know, me too. :?
If anyone wants to put me in their FG fic, feel free. XD

And I really liked it, AK, great job!!! :D
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Don't Blink.
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Re: Blink (Exerpt from my book)

Post by theramagic » Sun 6th Feb 2011

hiholly123 wrote:
Ohansahyosheli wrote:I thought it was good, but I`ve only ever seen one FG story that included me. :`(
I know, me too. :?
If anyone wants to put me in their FG fic, feel free. XD

And I really liked it, AK, great job!!! :D
same here

And that was awesome, like people people have been saying it did seem a little rushed but overall, really good.
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