Jokes!!!

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Jokes!!!

Postby Feandril » Tue 5th Feb 2008

[Statement]: I thought it would be nice if we put entire bunch of jokes people post lately into one thread to prevent confusion... And make them easier to spot and all....

Anyway, let me start:

____________________________________________________________________
An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that evolution had created.

"What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!", he said to himself. As he was walking along the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. When he turned to see what the cause was, he saw a 7-foot grizzly charging right towards him. He ran as fast as he could. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing, He ran even faster, crying in fear. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. His heart was pounding and he tried to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.

At that moment, the Atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. Even the river stopped moving.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years; teach others I don''t exist and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"

The atheist looked directly into the light "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as Christian now, but perhaps could you make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.

The light went out. The river ran again. And the sounds of the forest resumed.

And then the bear dropped his right paw ..... brought both paws together...bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful."
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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby Meova » Tue 5th Feb 2008

LOL! That one really is funny :lol:
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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby 017350 » Tue 5th Feb 2008

HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

THAT'S... SO... FUNNY!!!!!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:





:jump:





Okay.... I'm okay...... :D
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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby Feandril » Tue 5th Feb 2008

[Statement]: Oh and.... personal rule if you don't mind: To prevent too much spam and useless "hahaha-ing", each post must contain a joke, preferably not said before. Come on guys. let's contribute!

So my share again:

__________________________________________________________________________
Two blonds are waiting at a bus stop.

When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blonds leans inside and asks the bus driver:''Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?''

The bus driver shakes his head and says,''No, I'm sorry.''

At this the other blond leans inside, smiles, and twitters: ''Will it take ME?''
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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby 017350 » Tue 5th Feb 2008

:D I like that one too!

________________________________________________________________________

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on its back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Dang it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

:D
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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby Meova » Tue 5th Feb 2008

Hmm. No fair. Well, here's one. In the Netherlands it's very old, I'll try to translate it for you. Don't know whether you know it already, but whatever :P

A rabbit walks into a bakery. He asks the baker: Do you have carrot pie? The baker says no. "That's too bad. Then I'll come back tomorrow," the rabbit says.
The next day. The rabbit walks into the bakery. The chat repeats.
That night, the baker thinks: If the rabbit wants carrot pie that bad, I'll bake some for him. So he makes carrot pie.
The next day. The rabbit walks into the bakery again. "Do you have carrot pie?" "Yes, I do!" the baker replies proudly. "Gross, eh?" the rabbit says.
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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby 017350 » Tue 5th Feb 2008

I like it. Do you like this one?

________________________________________________________________________

A man finds a dime and walks up to a coin expert and says: this is a 1953 dime is it worth any thing? the expert replies: it might be worth 10,000,000 dollars! really?! yea if you use it to scratch of a lotto ticket.

:D
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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby Meova » Tue 5th Feb 2008

Lol, that one is good!

The dad of Jantje has 3 sons. Kwik, kwek and...

Answer: Jantje. (You should read this quite quickly to some people. Kwik, Kwek and Kwak are the Dutch names of Donald Duck's nephews, so most people here say Kwak, even though it's Jantje's dad.)
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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby 017350 » Tue 5th Feb 2008

That one is sort of funny.... :D

________________________________________________________________________

A substitute teacher was trying to make use of her psychology background. She began her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, please stand up."

Right away, Little Johnny stood up.

The teacher said, "Why do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"I don’t, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

:D
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Suprise

Postby 017350 » Tue 5th Feb 2008

At the end of the school year a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her class. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is; Flowers."

"That's right!" the boy said, "but, how did you know?"

"Oh, just a wild guess," the teacher replied.

The next student was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift, shook it and said, "I bet I can guess what it is; A box of sweets."

"That's right said the little girl, but how did you know?"

"Oh, I've been around for many years," said the teacher proudly.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held he package, but it was leaking so she grabbed a drop off the leaking contents with her finger and put it on her tongue for a taste test.

"Is it wine?" the teacher asked.

"NOPE," the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leaking package. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"NO MAM," he replied, with even more excitement!

The teacher with all her knowledge finally took one more big taste before admitting, "I give up. What is it?"

With an giant grin the boy replied, “SURPRISE, It's a puppy!"

:D
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Re: Suprise

Postby Cabaline » Tue 5th Feb 2008

Ha Ha, I loled so hard reading this :D
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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby Cabaline » Tue 5th Feb 2008

Lol, Ok

A frog walks in to a library and croaks once, so librarian gives him a book. The next day the same frog comes in and croaks twice, the librarian gives him 2 books. The day after that the same frog comes in and croaks 3 times, the librarian gives him 3 books but decides to follow him to see what he was doing with all those books. When the frog reaches it's destination he stoppes and presents one book at a time to a bigger frog the frog takes one look at the book presented to him and said
"Readdit".
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Re: Suprise

Postby 2bAgen. » Wed 6th Feb 2008

THAT has only one word:
FUNNY!
Dahh... I have not been here in zonks.

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Re: Jokes!!!

Postby 017350 » Wed 6th Feb 2008

lol I like that. :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it?

None. It just lets out a little wine.

:D
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Re: Suprise

Postby /b/ » Thu 7th Feb 2008

2bAgen. wrote:THAT has only one word:
FUNNY!


You go around saying Funny? :D
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